Thursday, September 25, 2008


A bunch of us at work are having this discussion and we need some more opinions. Two co-workers are getting married to different people on the same day. I said I was going to try and go to both events. Someone I work with said, "I can only afford to go to one event." I was confused by this. "What do you mean? You will only get a gift for the wedding you attend," I said.

If you are invited to a wedding, I think you are supposed to get a gift for someone even if you can't make the wedding. If you don't get them a small gift you're sending a message. My co-worker said, "I don't think so. If it's a co-worker you don't see outside of work you only give a gift if you attend the wedding. It's not offensive not to."

I need your opinions! If you are invited to a wedding you can't attend, do you still send a gift?

-NewsAnchorMom Jen

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Diane Vespa said...

I was always told that whether or not you attend, if you recieve a wedding invitation you are obligated to send a gift. Not sure if they still stick to that but that's what they told my generation.

Mark Welp said...

October 25 is going to be an expensive day! I'm going to both weddings and plan on buying gifts. If I was invited to the wedding, but not going I would still buy something.

Here is another question to ponder...I'm going to both weddings but probably only one reception. Do I buy a more expensive gift for the bride and groom whose reception I am attending? I figure Scott and Meghan deserve it after I tear their reception up!
Plus, I won't be drinking and eating James' family out of house and home! So they don't need an expensive gift to make up for the chaos I won't inflict. Right?

That brings up another question...If I'm in the wedding party, can I buy a cheaper gift? After all I'm spending more time and money on the wedding. But then again, I'll get TWO nights of food and drinks out of it...and maybe a gift!

Should my date chip in for the gifts? I've never taken a date to a wedding. Can I still hit on the bridesmaids?

Oh I'm so confused!

SallyN said...

Wedding etiquette has changed lots in the past generation.

In my opinion... the gift should be a gesture of celebration/well-wishes to the couple. NOT as compensation for how much is spent on the guest's meal. In addition, the monetary worth of the gift should be based on the gift-givers means (and not so much the means of the people paying for the wedding.)

So, to answer your specific scenario: I'd get a modest gift for both couples, regardless of whether I was attending the ceremony or reception. Either of similar monetary value, or maybe slightly biased towards one couple if I had a stronger personal connection to them. said...

Mark- you are so hilarious. I should have just asked you! So you are eating at Meghan's?

I will see you at the neighborhood house fundraiser tonight!

Diane, I was always taught to get a gift too. Where are all the people who think otherwise?

Jennifer said...

I'm with Sallyn. I would buy a gift for both. Unless you really are on a limited budget, in which case, I would get each a nice card and I'd make sure I enclosed something small and personal, like a photo or a well thought out letter.

Katie said...

I think you absolutely should get both a gift, especially since they are your co-workers. If not, I think it would make for an awkward work environment with the person who's wedding you did not attend.

Jen Keedy said...

In the great wedding gift mystery, I think if you are well aquainted with the Bride and/or Groom, a thoughtful gift with a hand written note of your good wishes is always recieved well. If you know one better than the other, you can't go wrong with sending a note with flowers and a gift card to Johnny's!

Rachael said...

I'd say it would be appropriate to give a gift to both regardless of attendance. You could always pool money into a large gift certificate for the place they are registered. It doesn't seem exciting, but I remember being relieved and thankful to have some dough to fill in place settings, etc that I didn't receive.

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