The Impact of Delayed Parenting on Kids

We started this conversation a few days ago with, "Why are people having children later in life?" Today, we are answering another question from 1470 WMBD's Greg Batton,"What kind of psychological impact does having kids later in life have on those kids? Is there something older parents need to keep in mind?"

I posed several questions on this topic to psychologist Dr. Debbie Glasser from newsforparents.org.

Here's what she had to say:

How will having an older parent impact kids psychologically? What are the advantages/disadvantages of having a big gap between you and your parents?
Dr. Debbie Glasser: In general, the psychological impact of a parents' age is much less significant than the psychological impact of the quality of the parent-child relationship and overall family experiences. In other words, having older parents don't necessarily suggest that a child will have emotional issues. In fact, there are many advantages to having older parents. Often, they are more financially stable, mature and patient than their younger counterparts. However, there are real challenges for both older parents and their children. Older parents may not have the physical stamina to keep up with physically active kids. Also, kids may feel self-conscious about having older (i.e., "different") parents at their school meetings, soccer matches, and other get-togethers. They may also worry more about death and illness more often than their peers because of their parents' advanced age.


How does growing up without grandparents impact a child? Is there something older parents should keep in mind before it's too late?
Dr. Debbie Glasser: Grandparents can play such a significant and wonderful role in a child's life, it's hard to imagine life without them. However, when parents delay childbearing, this is a reality for some families. Certainly, whenever possible, the relationship between children and grandparents should be nurtured. If a child is born without grandparents, however, there are ways parents can introduce "surrogate" grandparents to bring many of the positive inter-generational experiences that can come from a grandma or grandpa. Aunts and uncles, family friends, siblings and other trusted adults can serve as grandparent figures in a child's life, bringing cherished experiences like: telling stories about parents when they were younger, cooking favorite recipes, and even traveling together. It's important for older parents to share stories about grandparents so their children can learn about their past and their family's history and heritage.

Will having older parents cause financial stress on young kids?
Dr. Debbie Glasser: Older parents are often more financially stable than younger ones because they've had more years of earning power and may have been in a position to accumulate savings. However, when adults are elderly, their earning power typically diminishes (after retirement) and they may have increased medical expenses. In this case, young adult children may be faced with caring for elderly parents before they're financially secure themselves. Parents at any age are encouraged to plan ahead for retirement and their advanced years, whenever possible.

Do you have any tips for older parents to prevent their kids from having negative thoughts about their parents being older?
Dr. Debbie Glasser: It's important for parents of all ages to recognize that parenting isn't about how old you are, it's about how well you connect with your child and support his or her development. It's about being attuned to your child's needs; providing love, support, stability, security and guidance; and maintaining an active and involved role in your child's life. There's not a magic age when these behaviors start - or end. It's a personal decision that will vary from family to family.

How should parents minimize negative thoughts?
Dr. Debbie Glasser: Strive to keep the lines of communication open so your kids can express questions and concerns. Keep a positive perspective about the many advantages you bring to the parenting relationship. Create a supportive network of family members and friends to share experiences that may be challenging for you (like frequent physical activity). And maintain a commitment to building a happy, loving, and meaningful relationship with your child. This, after all, is the most important thing any parent can do - at any age.

-NewsAnchorMom Jen

P.S. I am working on a post about how to find out how many eggs you have left. This question was brought up in the "Older Parents" post as well.

Older Parents

Have you noticed people seem to be having children later in life? Peoria, Illinois radio host Greg Batton from 1470 WMBD recently asked me live on the radio why we are seeing more of this. He noted he is an older dad and wonders what impact this will have on his young kids. I am waiting to hear back from a psychologist for the emotional impact this has on kids, but I thought I would post the answer to the first question. Why are we seeing more delayed parenting?

According to a study at Ohio State University on Family and Consumer Sciences:

A growing number of women across America are having their first babies at age 40 or even older. Overall, first births among women over 30 rose to a record 22% of all births in 1995, as opposed to 5% of births in 1975.
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the birth rate for women aged 40-45 years rose 20% between 1990 and 1995, and increased 74% during 1981-95. The rising birth rate along with the increasing number of women in this age group means that there were more babies born in 1995 to mothers in their 40s than in any year since 1966.

Why Wait?
What explains this pattern of delayed childbearing? According to a study by Susan Coady, Human Development and Family Science faculty member at The Ohio State University, there are several reasons for waiting to start a family. Women who wait usually have more financial security, more emotional maturity, and more time to commit to their marriages and to their careers before focusing their energy on children.

It isn't so much that people aren't interested in having children, but they are just busy with their lives. Many couples have waited until they've established careers, bought a house and fixed it up, and then realized that it's getting late and they're running out of time.

Deferred marriage also plays a role, and many more females aren't married until a sizeable chunk of their reproductive lives has gone by. The high divorce rate among Americans also plays a part. Many couples delay childbearing until their marriages are stable.

Other factors that account for delayed childbearing include economic problems in the baby boom generation, the availability of legal abortion, and effective contraceptives that make postponement easier.

When Is It Too Late?
The media has generally publicized the virtues of older motherhood and suggested that women can easily conceive in mid-life, maybe even up to menopause. Women who put off trying to have children until their mid to late 30s may worsen their chances of becoming pregnant and lose the chance altogether to become a parent. Over the past 10 or 15 years, millions of couples have had reproductive problems stemming at least in part from the woman's age.

"Women aren't told enough about the decline of fertility with age," David Meldrum, a reproductive endocrinologist who heads the Center for Advanced Reproductive Care in Redondo Beach, Calif., says, "Many don't realize that if they wait, motherhood may pass them by." Female reproductive organs become less effective with age. When couples do decide to start a family, many find that they cannot.

Pregnancies can also be harder to maintain for older women. Studies show that women in their 40s have a rate of one and a half more miscarriages than women in their 20s. Premature and low-birth-weight babies can also be a problem for mature women. The good news is that doctors keep a very close watch on the mother, and many of these problems can be avoided. The wealth of sophisticated new genetic screening methods now available to pregnant women has enabled them to establish the health of their fetuses early in pregnancy.

Rewards
Although these facts can seem depressing or scary, don't panic. It's best to know the facts and see how they fit into the rest of your life. If you are thinking about having a child, talk it over with your partner. If you're not ready, determine why you're not. Many people are just scared to make that commitment - to be responsible for another life.

There are no guarantees in life, and many of the factors affecting older parents can also affect parents at any age. The ability to love and take care of a child is certainly a good prerequisite for becoming a parent.

Midlife parenthood has so many rewards that people feel the benefits outweigh the risks. It's easier to relax and have fun with your children when you know you have the resources to care for them. Age also brings self-knowledge and control, and you are less likely to project your own longings onto your children to fulfill your needs. Older parents can still maintain their careers if they choose because they have the resources to afford good child care - something they might not have been able to do in their 20s.

And of course, the maturity level of older parents is a definite asset. They are past feeling like kids who still need to be parented and can move right into a positive parenting role. Older parents are more calm, confident, and able to go with the flow. Babies can sense this.

-NewsAnchorMom Jen