Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Parent Trap-Family or Couple?

From Guest Blogger Kelly Kilpatrick:

They say that two’s company and three’s a crowd, and while I wouldn’t go so far as to say parents consider their children intrusions into their privacy, there are times when most moms and dads yearn for quality time for themselves. The kids have been keeping them on their toes ever since they were born, and what with cooking and cleaning for them, driving them to baseball games, dance classes and the like, helping them with homework, taking them out and keeping them entertained on weekends and holidays, and other such activities, there’s no time at all for husband and wife to be alone, leave alone time for romance.

Most parents forget that they were ardent lovers before the kids came along, and even if they wish to remind themselves of those passionate days, there’s always the guilt that comes along and orders them back into the realms of the family. While doing things together as a family is fun, there are times when moms and dads ache to step into the adult world, go out for a bite to eat with friends, take in a movie or two without the kids, or attend the theatre. Now none of these is even remotely possible with squirmy, loud and attention-seeking children around, so most parents just skip the time-for-ourselves excursions.

Spending time with the kids is good, but then it also has its downsides:

  • Husband and wife start to drift apart as man and woman – while they may interact regularly as the mother and father of the same children, they’re often too tired to do more than fall asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow. This situation could cause a marriage to deteriorate, slowly at first where the signs are not visible, and faster and faster as each day comes and goes.

  • The kids become too dependant on their parents, they want them by their sides day in and day out. And when mom and dad try to break out of this routine by hiring a sitter and going out on a date together, they rebel and throw tantrums and lay the biggest guilt trip ever on their parents.

You need to be good parents to your kids and bond as a family, but then you also need to find time for yourselves as husband and wife to keep the embers of marriage glowing bright as ever. It’s a fine balancing act, but when there’s love and commitment, it can be worked out. Maintain a sense of stability in your children’s lives by going out on a certain day of the week rather than as and when you please. So when Saturday comes around, they’re not going to feel too resentful if you leave them with a sitter and their favorite movie.

Being your spouse’s best friend and lover all your life and being a good parent are not mutually exclusive events – they’re just two sides of the same coin. You’ve jut got to keep it rolling so that both sides have an equal chance of shining.

This post was contributed by Kelly Kilpatrick, who writes on the subject of dating sites. She invites your feedback at kellykilpatrick24 at gmail dot com.

My husband and I are going on three dates next weekend! We have three weddings on the same day. I think I will just try and make it to two of them. What an expensive weekend! I guess I am not supposed to think about that and just enjoy a night out with my husband. Although I did go to Mamma Mia this weekend with the girls. I think girl's night out is important too!

Have you had a good date night lately?

-NewsAnchorMom Jen

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Maria said...

These days our date nights are limited to TU football. It's worth it though. LOL! said...

Watching football or attending games?

Maria said...

Attending the games. We usually take our son with to the tailgate for two hours or so and then take him home for a babysitter and spend the rest of the tailgate and game together with a few thousand of our friends (i.e. the fans). LOL! :) said...

It sounds exciting to say the least!

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