Thursday, January 24, 2008

Finding Time for your Spouse

There just aren't enough hours in the day. I just got off the phone with my 4-year-old who said, "Mamma, when are you gonna come home? I bet not until after the 10 o'clock news, right?" I dread this conversation on the nights when I just don't have time to run home for dinner. It's hard to make time for my kids, much less my husband.

Here's a recent comment:

"Thanks, Jen. I would love to hear how other working moms are "doing it all" as well. How about a blog with tips and ideas from your readers. When do you find time for couple time? My husband and I haven't had a date alone in years! Literally years. We love the kids and are a great team as parents....but at the end of the day I have no game left as a wife. I would love to get some tips on how to keep my marriage and my family alive."-Chelsea

My husband and I are lucky to have parents who offer to babysit at least once a month. That is a huge help. In the past, we have been bad at making time for our relationship, but we're getting better at it. We frequently have a sitter come over on Sunday afternoon and go see a matinee or go to lunch. We end up spending a lot less money than when we do a date 'night.' And because our afternoon dates are cheaper, we can have them more often. says there are three categories of time you need to keep in mind:

  1. Time for planning.
  2. Time for resolving differences.
  3. Time for fun.

As an example, find the most convenient time for you and your spouse to get together without the kids. Write it down on your calendar. Then, throughout the week, jot down the topics or important issues the two of you need to discuss. When the 'date' arrives, talk about the issues first, then go do something fun. on Marriage has this advice for making time with your spouse:

  1. Schedule a weekend just for the two of you. Write it on your calendar, put it on your computer planner, etc. Don't change it for any other event. You don't have to go anywhere.
  2. Have lunch together once a week. On nice days, meet in a park.
  3. Let your children know that you two need time alone together. Tell them they can knock on your closed bedroom door only if there is blood. (This one made me laugh because I have young kids and that would just be mean! However, I can see how that might work with older children.)
  4. Walk around the block together.

What are your suggestions? How do you make time for your spouse? When is the last time you went on a date with your husband/wife?

-NewsAnchorMom Jen


Anonymous said...

Sounds to me your husband is just going cheap with you on lunch and and an afternoon movie that cost less. said...

That is a funny suggestion to me. I am the one who would rather have more dates and spend less money. I guess I'm going cheap on him!I will have to tell him.

Maria said...

My husband and I spend a lot of time apart due to his job, so when he is around, we try to have weekly dates. Sometimes we also hang with friends, but when we can, we get our friends to "practice" being parents with our son. It's hard though, because I work a 'regular' job, while his requires lengthy travel.

Also, while we do not tend to have matching sleep schedules, we do try to go to bed together and spend the quiet time talking and snuggling...even with baby in bed with us.

When he is in the country, I sometimes go to work early, so I can leave early, and then we go pick up our son from daycare at the "regular" time, so we have a couple of hours to ourselves first.

Personally, I chose dinner (or lunch) over a movie, because I prefer to have the time to interact and talk with my husband. We also enjoy going to sporting events together.

Anonymous said...

I think you are right on with the going cheap on him. I know that I would rather have lunch with my husband than dinner for two reasons. Number one; I am trying to control my weight and lunch portions are smaller.....and cheaper. Number two; I find the lunch to be more enjoyable when I can wear my new shoes and matching handbag I bought with the money I saved on lunch over dinner!! :) He did want me to comment that it is important to have dinner and "a few glasses of wine" every so often. Usually that results in another child nine months later.........

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